


Talk Me Down

by artificialpippin



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian AU, Nurse AU, Oneshot, cis girl au, cw hospital setting, cw mentions of abuse, cw mentions of physical abuse, domestic jankie, medical AU, nurse!jan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26062246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialpippin/pseuds/artificialpippin
Summary: The small, Hell’s Kitchen apartment Jackie used to live in by herself wasn’t just her house anymore - it was her and Jan’s home. And while it might have been overflowing with mismatched pieces of furniture and dying pot plants, every inch of space was full of love, and Jackie wouldn’t have it any other way.
Relationships: Jackie Cox/Jan Sport
Comments: 12
Kudos: 51





	Talk Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to my writing resurrection! I haven't written anything in a long time, but it feels good to be back !! 
> 
> CWs are in place for mentions of physical abuse and hospital setting !!  
> I'm (nearly) a registered nurse, and this piece is a literal manifestation of my worst fear x
> 
> come and say hi at aqpippin.tumblr.com x

Jan couldn't help but let a small yawn out of her mouth as she checked her phone for the first time since the start of her shift. 

No goodnight text from Jackie. Terrible girlfriend conduct.

12:30am on a Friday. _Gross_.

Just over 6 hours until Jan finished her fifth night shift in a row. She could feel the sleep-deprivation migraine coming on quickly, and before she knew it she felt a cup of water and two paracetamol being pushed into her hands. 

“I know that face, sister,” Gigi laughed, taking a minute to sit next to Jan at the nurse’s station and indulge in the small quiet patch they’ve hit, “I have no idea how you still have the capacity to take on five in row, pretty sure I lost that superpower when Crys and I started living together. One can only handle so many days a week of their partner waking up at a normal time and doing normal person things.” 

Jan let out a snort in an attempt to hold back her laughter, but she knew what Gigi was saying was true. She loved her job, but saying goodnight to Jackie as the sun rose began to take a toll on Jan after day three. The same could be said for Jackie who, as much as she was proud of Jan, wasn’t the biggest fan of living in the same house as her girlfriend but hardly seeing her. Jan was proud of the career she was beginning to build, but she also missed building her domestic life with Jackie. She missed the little things - waking up together, having breakfast together, going grocery shopping together. They both knew that this part of Jan’s career wouldn’t be forever, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

Gigi and Jan had reached that point in the night where, for the first time during their shift, the emergency department had finally slowed down. Luckily for them, this meant that they had a spare two seconds to focus on something nearly as important as patient wellbeing — caffeine.  
“Coffee run?” Jan proposed, watching as Gigi rubbed her temples and threw her head back.  
“I can’t leave the floor, I’m the in-charge.” Gigi whined, logging into a computer and starting to type, “with great power comes great responsibility.”  
“Abysmal,” Jan chuckled, “double shot latte?”  
“You’re a lifesaver.” Gigi grunted in response, not taking her eyes off the patient flow sheet in front of her.  
“That’s what they tell me,” Jan sing-songed, “call if you need me!”

In an attempt to keep herself awake, Jan made a mental list of everything she needed to do once she got home - laundry, groceries, _sex_ , get her sleep pattern back to normal-human phase. She relished in the fact that she was about to have five days off; five uninterrupted days at home, sleeping while the sun was down, drinking coffee in the morning, being outside in the warm May sunshine with her favourite person in the world. 

When Jan arrived back on the floor, two double shot coffees in hand, she could hear ambulance sirens outside. She picked up her pace, leaving the coffees next to Gigi’s computer before gowning up and stepping into a chaotic trauma room. She weaved her way through less experienced nurses, and made eye contact with Gigi, who was standing at the head of the gurney. Gigi was no stranger to advanced care and was never one to lose her cool on the floor, and yet she looked terrified. Jan always knew it was a dire situation when even Gigi looked overwhelmed. Gigi’s attention was quickly brought back to the nearly lifeless woman lying in front of her, and Jan grabbed a pair of gloves before tuning into the paramedics’ report.

Jan looked the patient up and down - she made note of the way the woman’s body was covered in marks, the way the blood seeped through her torn clothes, the way the bruising on her face made her unrecognisable. Jan didn’t catch all of the handover, she was too busy trying to maintain a patent airway, but certain parts of it were clearer than others. _Hell’s Kitchen. Physical assault. Looks mid-to-late twenties. No ID_. Jan could feel her heart beginning to pound in her chest as she took another long look at the woman in front of her and noticed the colour of her skin. Beneath the scratches, bruises and blood she could see that it was the same warm, tawny colour she had grown to love - and that’s when Jan felt her breath get caught in her throat. 

“Does she have any belongings?” Jan cut off the paramedic talking to Gigi, “a wallet? A purse?” Jan’s anxiety was skyrocketing, and Gigi could feel it radiating off her. Jan’s mind was only focussed on one thing - _Jackie, Jackie, Jackie_. Jan was no longer thinking rationally, no longer thinking like a nurse - rather like a distressed family member. She studied the woman for a third time - she tried to remember what Jackie was wearing when she walked out the door that morning, if the gold hoops looped through the woman’s ears were the earrings she bought Jackie for Christmas, if the broken nose could possibly belong to her girlfriend. Gigi felt stuck between two worlds - and as much as she desperately wanted to help Jan, the patient in front of her needed her more.

“Step out, Jan. Go and ring Jackie, see if you can get hold of her. Don’t work yourself up for no reason.” Gigi spoke softly, trying not to make a bigger scene than the one Jan was unknowingly making. Jan didn’t acknowledge that Gigi had spoken to her, continuing to inspect the woman for some sort of identifying feature. A tattoo, a freckle - _anything_.

“Someone needs to take Jan out of the room, please,” no matter how much Gigi wanted to help Jan, she had a team to lead and work to do. Another nurse wrapped an arm around Jan’s waist, and Jan almost looked offended at being told to wait outside, “Jan, I’m sorry, but I need to be in here, and you aren’t in the right headspace to stay. Trauma room 4 is empty, I’ll come and see you when I get a chance.”

**

Jan paced silently in the empty trauma room, her anxiety brewing as yet another phone call to Jackie went through to voicemail. She didn’t know what else she could do, every attempt at contact had been unsuccessful - no one was answering her calls or returning her messages. Just as it felt like her head was about to explode, Jan heard the door to the room click shut and felt a warm hand squeeze her shoulder. Gigi.

“It’s not her,” Gigi’s tone was soft, and Jan felt the weight lift off her shoulders with the news, “too many tattoos.” Jan let out a shaky exhale, full of relief and newfound adrenaline.  
“Is she gonna be okay?”  
“I think so. Eventually. It’ll take a lot of plastics work,” Gigi hummed, taking out her disheveled bun and retying her raven hair into a high pony, “how are you?”  
“Overwhelmed. Drained.” Jan’s response was short and simple, and even though Gigi knew there was more she wanted to say, she didn’t dare push her. Not tonight.

“This was always my biggest fear working in emergency; that someone I loved would come through the door. I was so scared. Just wanted to see something so I knew it wasn’t her. Fucking hell,” Jan sniffled quietly, brushing away a few stray tears, “guess we should get back out there.”  
“You should go home. You need to make sure Jackie’s there. You aren’t in the right state of mind to go back on the floor, Jan. I’m telling you this as your in-charge, but more importantly as your friend. Take some time, enjoy your days off, and come back next week.” Jan opened her mouth in protest, somewhat offended that Gigi thought she was incapable of doing her job, but she realised that she was right. She was spent, exhausted even, and she was no longer capable of putting the needs of others before her own. Jan dug the toes of her sneakers into the floor and nodded wordlessly. Just as she was about to leave the room, she felt Gigi’s hand wrap around her wrist. 

“Are you right to drive home?” Gigi’s voice was soft; warm and nurturing in Jan’s hour of need, “Crys can come and pick you up.” Jan nodded her head, she could feel her throat constricting in an attempt to hold back another wave of tears.  
“Okay. Well, message me when you get home. I’ll call you later.” Gigi pulled Jan into a tight hug before they went their separate ways; and the last thing Jan saw before leaving the floor was Gigi’s shoulders relaxing as she finally got to take a sip of coffee. 

**

For Jan, pulling into the parking lot of her building usually came with a sense of relief; it usually reminded her that she was one step closer to a glass of wine, a shower and her bed. But that relief never came. Despite everything that had happened that night, and no matter how much she was looking forward to the benefits of being home; being back nearly 5 hours earlier than she was supposed to made Jan feel uneasy. Her brain, no matter how much she tried to convince it everything was okay, was still in overdrive. She pulled the key from the ignition and rested her head on the steering wheel, once again trying to control her uneven breathing.

It took Jan the better part of 15 minutes to summon the courage and the energy to get out of the car and let herself inside. She waited, albeit impatiently, for the elevator to reach the lobby, and sent Gigi a text during the ascent to her floor. She unlocked the door to her apartment quietly and pushed the door open, letting go of the breath she didn’t know she was holding when she saw Jackie’s keys and purse on the dining table. Jan made a beeline for the bedroom, peaking through the open doorway and feeling the wave of relief finally wash over her when she heard Jackie sleeping soundly, the occasional snore slipping out of her mouth.

 _They were both home, they were both safe. Everything was okay_. 

Overcome with emotion, Jan couldn’t help but let the tears roll down her cheeks for the second time that night, quiet sobs filling the kitchen as Jan carefully cradled a freshly poured glass of wine in her hands. 

However quiet Jan thought she was, it was evidently not quiet enough. Jan heard her name being called out softly, and she grimaced when the kitchen lights were turned on. Jackie leaned against the dining table, a confused look on her face, clad in just a baggy t-shirt and some black panties. Jan had never been more relieved to see Jackie in her life, leaving her glass on the counter as she walked towards Jackie and pulled the brunette into her arms. Jackie’s arms wrapped around Jan’s waist almost instinctively, pulling her even closer. There had been many times where Jan had come home overwhelmed, teary and distressed, sometimes it was a mix of all three - but she had never come home 5 and a half hours early. Jackie didn’t want to pry, knowing Jan preferred to not bring her work home with her; but she also knew that something big must have happened for Jan to have come home at 1:30 in the morning.

“A woman was brought in by ambulance tonight,” Jan beat Jackie to it, and Jackie felt relieved that she didn’t have to ask. She nodded quietly, so as to let Jan lead the conversation, “someone found her on the street, Jacks. She was assaulted beyond recognition. She looked like you.” Jan cried, and this time it was Jackie who pulled Jan into her arms, rubbing her back and whispering sweet nothings into her ears. 

“Gigi wouldn’t let me stay in the room, you didn’t answer the phone - and I assumed the worst. Felt like a million years until Geege told me it wasn’t you. I was terrified.” Nothing more needed to be said. Jackie knew that this had always been Jan’s biggest fear; and that part of it just came to life. Jackie continued to rub Jan’s back in an attempt to soothe her, unsure of what else she could do for Jan in that moment. Jan was openly sobbing into Jackie’s chest, and it wasn’t long before she could feel Jan’s tears beginning to seep through her shirt.  
“It’s so stupid,” Jan sniffled, her voice barely audible through the wet cotton beginning to stick to Jackie’s chest, “it wasn’t you, I don’t know why I’m still upset.”  
“It’s not stupid, Jan,” Jackie assured her, continuing to rub circles into Jan’s back, “you’re only human. You’re allowed to feel things, you’d be a horrible nurse if you didn’t let yourself get emotional. What happened tonight could have happened to anyone. You’re exhausted, Jan. I’m safe. You’re safe. We’re okay. Everything’s going to be okay,” Jackie crooned, pressing soft kisses to Jan’s hairline, “I’m gonna take tomorrow off work. No work, just us.” Jan pulled her head from the comforts of Jackie’s sternum and looked up at her, eyes glassy and lips pushed into a pout.  
“Jackie, don’t be ridicu-”  
“I’m not,” Jackie chuckled as she pressed a kiss to Jan’s lips, “work will go on without me.” Jackie relished in the idea of having a three day weekend; and the fact that she got to spend all three days with Jan made it a little bit sweeter. Jan yawned quietly and nodded in defeat - the idea of the two of them having three days off together made her physically, mentally and emotionally relax, and she knew excitement would wash over her when the sun came up.  
“Can we make pancakes?” Jan asked softly, looking up at Jackie and batting her lashes. Jackie yawned in response, her eyes starting to feel heavy with exhaustion.  
“Of course,” Jackie nodded, “anything you want.”

Jackie took a minute to really look at Jan and noticed the way that the fatigue was starting to weigh her down. Purple bags were starting to develop under Jan’s eyes, which were reddened and beginning to sink back into her skull. As much as she knew that Jan working 12 hour shifts and living off crazy schedules wasn’t forever, Jackie wished that the blonde would be able to catch a break soon. Jackie took Jan’s hand in hers and pulled her towards their bedroom, turning the kitchen lights off on their way through. The pair found comfort in the darkness, just the soft glow of New York City lights peaking through the curtains. 

Despite being adamant she could put herself into pyjamas, Jan found her arms being lifted above her head so Jackie could peel off Jan’s blue scrub top and replace it with an oversized t-shirt. Jan’s bra, sneakers and scrub pants soon joined her top on the floor, and before she knew it the soft purple comforter was being thrown over her body. Jan felt her muscles relax into the mattress, cocooned amongst the blankets and pillows. She pulled one arm out from the safety of the sheets, patting Jackie’s side of the mattress as if to coax Jackie to join her - not that she needed any convincing. Jackie was more than happy to climb back into bed, but she was even happier to have Jan there with her.

Comfortable silence filled the air as Jan repositioned herself so her back was flush against Jackie’s chest, Jackie’s arms wrapping around Jan’s waist like a reflex. Jackie inhaled deeply, catching the faint scent of Jan’s lavender shampoo and the remnants of her sugary perfume. For Jackie, being cuddled up in bed with her girlfriend for the first time in nearly a week, was home. The small, Hell’s Kitchen apartment Jackie used to live in by herself wasn’t just her house anymore - it was her and Jan’s home. And while it might have been overflowing with mismatched pieces of furniture and dying pot plants, every inch of space was full of love, and Jackie wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Thank you,” Jan whispered, pulling one of Jackie’s hands to her lips and pressing a faint kiss against it, “for everything. I couldn’t do this without you. I love you, so much.”  
“I love you too,” Jackie replied, basking in the glow of Jan’s praise and nuzzling her head into the space between Jan’s shoulder and neck, “thank you for living life with me. I’d be a different person without you.”

The room was soon filled with Jan’s deep breaths and soft snores, with the promise of pancakes still lingering in the air. She was safe, Jackie was safe, they were _home_.


End file.
